He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
