Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
