Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize