your parents love me but you hate me
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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