shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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