the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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