in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
