i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize