Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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