it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize