Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
