As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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