i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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