There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
