I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
