theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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