i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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