I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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