i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
