i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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