I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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