my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
