I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
