your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
