I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize