So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
