They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
