I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
