Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
