I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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