you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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