If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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