This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize