Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
