good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize