I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
