its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Alive.
So much puke
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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