oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Randomize
