Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
