Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
