You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
