he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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