The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
