He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
