I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Can I color on your dick again?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize