I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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