Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
