I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
