Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize