I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
