Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
