Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
