the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
