we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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