Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
