oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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