So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
