it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
