I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
