Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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