You're my little dorito
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
