You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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