and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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