the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
