She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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