She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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