Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
