I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
