guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
