So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
