Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm too high and old for this...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
