Walk of Shame. In a state park.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
