We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
