Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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