oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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