Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
