How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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