Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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