i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
