i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
