i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The feeling are messing with the penis
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
