Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
