Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
