We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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