Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
