things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize