That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
