when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
