Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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