I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
