so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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