Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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