i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have already put on my inside pants.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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