living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
