How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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