I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
