I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
