do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
