to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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