Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He shit in the fireplace
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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