She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
