Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
