Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Im part way to drunk.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
