omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize