it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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