Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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