I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
